St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold

Ghost Writer: Laura May

*SPOILER WARNING*

3.5 out of 5 shovels
I saw the film last night (18th Dec) and although I didn't think it was as good as the first film, it was still good enough to keep me entertained for an hour and a half.

It's a little more ludicrous than the first installment, requiring you to suspend your disbelief quite considerably as it opens 420 years in the past. Pirate Fritton and Pomfrey embroil in a dual before Pirate Fritton escapes with the treasure. Back to 2009, it's the first day of term at St Trinians and the newest inmates are introduced. Of course, this being St Trinians, it's not the average type of school and it's only a matter of time before the school is besieged by Promfrey's descendant, Lord Pomfrey (a rather camp David Tennant) and his henchmen. One stolen ring and a story from Miss Fritton later and it emerges that there are two rings (one of which is now in Pomfrey's possession) and when locked together they will indicate the hiding place of Fritton's Gold. Whilst the girls dream of riches and Gucci bags, Camilla isn't so at ease with the idea of searching for the gold, as the only connection between them finding it and obtaining the ring from Pomfrey is one Geoffrey Thwaites, played by Colin Firth - the former Minister of Education who's down on his luck and left Camilla heartbroken.

Thwaites is found languishing in a bar; looking a lot like Vermeer on downers with long scraggily hair and beard and moustache to match and rolling drunk. As I seemed to be the only person in the cinema rooting for Team Firth, I was horrified that they had done a very good job of making Firth look like he had spent the last decade in a skip! However, he did make a very comical drunk; slurring and wobbling on the bar stool. Thankfully, the girls of St Trinians are on hand to give him some much-needed rehab. In what has to be the anti-thesis to every sexy wet scene Firth has ever done, Geoffrey gets doused by a high-pressure fire hose before being made to stand in a classroom-cum-AA meeting, where he professes that he's not an alcoholic but does like a drink before embarking on a lengthy list of thirst-quenchers and aperitifs.

Meanwhile, the some of the other girls are embarking on a quest for the ring, treasure-hunt style. The clues lead them to various locations including the local graveyard and Public Boys’ school. With the ring successfully located and in their possession, their next mission is to track down Pomfrey and infiltrate his secret society - AD1 - whom Geoffrey describes as 'woman-hating psychopaths'...but since when as that stopped them?

Before they embark on their latest adventure, Geoffrey (now looking more human) takes some time out to make amends with Camilla and presents her with a puppy (after he accidentally brutally killed her beloved Mr. Darcy in the first film) - a very adorable Heathcliffe - which also takes a fancy to Geoffrey's shin!

With Geoffrey in tow, a handful of the girls make their way to Pomfrey's lair, where the brotherhood is gathered. Whilst the girls are searching the basement, Geoffrey has temporarily become one of the sect; covered in a head to foot clock complete with hood and holding a candle he follows the procession around the room and tries his best at chanting - even briefly continuing after the others have stopped. With the ritual over, all take their seats before Pomfrey removes his hood and very casually asks 'So, how is everyone?' The ritual continues with the mandatory sipping from a goblet of wine…which is a challenge for the now reformed Geoffrey…and which he fails at miserably. Geoffrey proceeds to drain the very sizable goblet and prompts the girls to abandon their mission. They leave and can only listen through their ear-pieces at his very misogynistic drunken rant.

Back at the school all are on a downer over Thwaites’ betrayal and failure at retrieving the second ring…until a sober Geoffrey returns with the treasure. However, his own joy is briefly short-lived as Camilla rewards him with a punch to the face (and here, Firth falls back on his great comedic skill. He only had to widen his eyes cross his pupils and prat-fall backwards to crease me with laughter).

When the girls lock the rings together they’re given the hiding place of Fritton’s Gold…the Globe Theatre, London. Cue a school trip; the girls spark an impromptu flash-mob at Liverpool St Station, whilst Camilla gives Geoffrey a ride on her motorbike. All the while Pomfrey’s anger continues to boil as he tries to track them down. At the Globe, our motley crue are searching the dressing room where they’re happened upon by the two principle leads about to perform ‘Romeo and Juliet’. Threatening to call security, Geoffrey embarks on a dual with ‘Romeo’. It’s quite a comical battle as Geoffrey looses his sword and ends up defending himself with various objects to hand, including a watering can, a string of plastic sausages and a feather boa, before ‘Romeo’ gets knocked unconscious. A bereft ‘Juliet’ goes to his aid only for Camilla to knock her out.

Rupert Everett, Colin Firth, and the Girls rehearsing at The Globe Theatre

As the girls descend beneath the Globe in search of the treasure, it’s left to Geoffrey and Camilla to save the show and not disappoint the hordes waiting for an acclaimed production of ‘Romeo and Juliet’. Geoffrey and Camilla’s production is unconventional to say the least; making rough stabs at Shakespeare-esque dialogue (Geoffrey’s answer to the ‘Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?’ comes in the form of ‘I’m down here’ – I really think Firth and Everett should do a full-length parody of Shakespeare). Just as they round off their performance by ‘dying’, Bursar crashes on announcing that it’s far from over as he stumbles around spurting out random Shakespeare quotes – even imitating Macbeth with a very dodgy Scottish accent at one point - and prompting our ‘Romeo’ and ‘Juliet’ to resurrect themselves.

Things come to a head as the girls search the forgotten bowels of the Globe and the evil Pomfrey catches up with them. The treasure is found…a letter from Pirate Fritton, who was none other than a woman and Shakespeare and, as if to prove a point, she’s left a manuscript of the final play ‘Queen Lear’. Pomfrey in one final act of revenge burns the manuscript and leaves, thinking that he’s prevented the girls from proving the secret they threaten to reveal to the world. However, as he’s cruising along the Thames and sipping champagne, the girls hijack the Golden Hind (a replica of an original clipper ship and now a museum in Southwark, London) and in front of Tower Bridge a cannon fueled battle takes place, which leaves the evil Pomfrey defeated and very wet.

Starring: Rupert Everett, Colin Firth, David Tennant, Talulah Riley, Sarah Harding, Gemma Arterton
Directors: Oliver Parker & Barnaby Thompson
Produced By: Paul Brett, Rupert Everett & Nigel Green
Written by: Piers Ashworth & Nick Moorcroft

Premiere: London Empire 9 December 2009
Release Date: 18th December 2009